my answers

(Kenny Kim photography)

Lately all I have been able to listen to is Brooke Fraser's new cd Flags.

If you haven't heard [of] her, I suggest you listen, and learn about her.

She is amazing; so human it's incredible, so inspiring.

Sometimes in our lives we need some kind of pick-me-up.

For me that has always been found in music. I have never heard anything more real

in all of my years of music. For me this album has been exactly what

I needed. Things have been so difficult lately and it's so comforting

to know there are still so many amazing things in this corrupt world.

I know this seems to be a lot to put on one album, but honestly: it can

stand up for it.

In this absurd time of my life, I am starting to find solace. Big time.

So thanks, Brooke Fraser (Litgerwood). Thank you for being honest,

real, creative, inspiring, amazing, caring, and exactly what I needed.

apathetic eagerness.

..I just feel like a lot of shit is fucked up right now, about a lot. Ive been having weird dreams lately. The other night my house was burning, but only under the floorboards, and I could see it, it just flamed, but didnt spread. And 911 was trying to talk to me about my grades..wtf? Ive been watching The Big Lebowski lately (therefore my mind has been on white russians), and last night I dreamt I took the end of a milk jug and just poured in vodka and kahlua, mixed it, and just walked around drinking out of the milk jug: interesting. That fire one seriously messed with my sleep though..I just laughed at myself when I realized Id been dreaming about being a glorified version of The Dude.

Wouldn't that be sweet though, to be a taoist/buddhist/partial nihilist. Yeah, if we could afford that. Its always "get a career with JOB SECURITY" "be a lawyer, be a nurse" "where will that class get you?" "you're taking philosophy, why, again?" Well: Fuck. That. Next semester I have Rel 300: archeology of Israel, Women in Gender Studies, and Phl 150: World Traditions. Im really looking forward to it, all together. The Rel 300 class will give me the opportunity to go to Israel next summer for 3 weeks and do an archeological dig, and world traditions is self explanatory, an overview of religions and traditions. The worst thing to me is that the Atheists know more about religion than anyone, generally speaking for the masses. How can you speak passionately about your religion and explain the differences when you know nothing of another religion. The prof is the same one I have now for philosophy, he's pretty awesome, I cant lie. The class is full but he invited me to come anyway.

Why is it never about passion anymore. We've all become fucking Zombies. We obey without questioning and using the very brains our creator gave us! We're zombies and we're going to breed zombies: its pathetic! I have a passion for knowledge. I dont give a fuck about a lot of things, but I do care about bettering my brain, using my knowledge, and expanding my intellect. When did we stop trying? When did we say that mediocre is acceptable, let alone desired!

It's like we're enthusiastic about going nowhere. Someone else will take care of that, right? No they fucking wont, so do it! Get off your ass and do something with your mind, your good will, and your reason. For as Kant says, that is your personhood. USE IT, dammit.

Phases of Life

This is my absolutely beautiful sister with my absolutely beautiful nephew/godson. He is amazing and makes every day more precious than the last. I can't believe how big they get to quick. You think he's just as normal as ever, and you can tell they have grown..but looking back on newborn pictures: it's so indescribable to see how they have changed. 

creating

I've been doing so much work lately, mainly math, that I've had no time to create. So I started writing tonight, it's got potential (if you ask me) to become a good song. I also have more canvases, awaiting paint. I want to try something new, I've never worked with oils before. I'm also busy putting together my portfolio for an upcoming viewing. I'm meeting a woman who worked with Ansel Adams and Deborah Remington. She's a friend of my aunts and wants to see my work. (Needless to say I'm pretty excited..) 

Anyway, math ends the day before my summer job begins, no break there either. Sweet. Moving on-it's really okay to have a lot going on. Along with the fact that I'm moving in late May/early June. Packing boxes while I'm studying math and recording songs. They should photograph that.

But hey, I'm alive. And I'm loving it.

For we, we are not long here. Our time is but a breath, so we better breathe it. And I, I was made to live, I was made to love, I was made to know you. -Brooke Fraser

benvenuti alla luce

>this is my new tattoo: and spelled WRONG! awesome. i gave the guy the right thing and he transferred it wrong. i love my life. so i go back in two weeks to get it fixed.

This is the next song I'm going to record.

Hope Now by Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter my from the storm
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free
You've become my hearts desires
I will sing Your praises higher
Your love sets me free
(Your love sets me free)
Your love sets me free
(You love sets me free)
Your love sets me free

newfound loves

Now-running has never been easy as pie for me. I have curves and boobs these does not make anything in life easier (sometimes haha). Even though I am not as thin as I once was, I am still comfortable in my skin. I like who I am, and I don't think my body style is what decidedly determines me.

Today I was stifling through this "big world-o'-Blogger" and stumbled upon the blog of a runner. He had recently been on TV discussing his interesting life of "Barefoot Running." He and a friend described the difference of running in 'old-school' tennis shoes: the ones with huge soles and macho support, and running in minimal soled shoes, FiveFingers, and..get this: BAREFOOT.

I'm a lover of new and old. But this is so new to me. So, I started to think about it. We are the ones who assume we need such support and as the woman said we have degraded our foot muscles. We've made them depend on these macho-soled shoes to get them through. And as the man mentioned about a book: there are indians who run about 40-50 miles a day, a day!, in flat sandal-looking 'shoes.'

I'm a daily rocker of Vans classic flat footed checkered slip-ons :) so this support thing is far from me. Every time ran I had sore feet from the Nike tennis shoes I would wear while running, my legs hurt and I felt exhausted and heavy.

After reading and viewing this man's blog and the news broadcast about his phenomenon, I chucked my Nikes, grabbed my minimal New Balances and was out the door. I took his advice of not landing so hard by slamming on my heels and instead on the balls of my feet. I felt a spring in my step, my stride was smooth. I felt lighter and stronger than ever before on a run. Instead of feeling drained and sore, I feel invigorated and determined. I have been looking for a fix for this for so long and did not know where to turn. I finally got my answer in a happen-chance. How nice, right?

If you'd like to see more on this barefoot running check out the blog: Enjoy!

http://chrisultra.blogspot.com/

about that..

I'm not one of those people who runs around telling the world about everything Right when it happens, or ever: my choice. I just don't see the sense in assuming and getting all worked up, maybe someone will tell you something when they're ready. Try that on for size.

I need a vacation. I need a beach. I think my mom and I are going to take a vacation soon, just us. I think that'd be perfect. I wonder where we'll end up going..I know it'll be a beach thats for sure. I hope it's Wrightsville Beach.